More are coming!
This is just one that is coming again your way!
Don’t you just love these pictures when you get them?
Category: Funny
Good – Better – Best
GOOD
In Warwick, a Rhode Island State Trooper was running
radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders,
but wasn’t getting any. Then he discovered the problem.
A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand
painted sign which read ‘RADAR TRAP AHEAD!’ The
officer later found a young accomplice down the road
with a sign reading,’TIPS’ and a bucket full of money.
(Beats a lemonade stand!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding
through an automated radar post in Cranston, RI A
$40.00 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he
sent the police department a picture of$40.00. The
police responded with another mailed photo of
handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Providence, RI
for speeding. As the RI State Trooper walked to her car
window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, ‘I bet
you are going to sell me a ticket to the Rhode Island
State Police Ball.’ He replied, ‘ RI State Troopers
don’t have balls.’ There was a moment of silence
while she smiled and he realized what he’d just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and
left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
Does anyone want a dog?
My house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked me in the bathroom, and proceeded to steal all they could carry. My watchdog, “Sunshine”, did not alert me, and for this reason I am giving him away. I no longer want a dog – I’m installing an electric fence and detection devices with alarms. They’re cheaper and more reliable. For those interested in adopting the dog please send an e-mail urgently.
A photo of “Sunshine” is attached.
Anticipation
Remember to obey the rules……
‘Rules Are Rules’
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs , Kansas ,when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina ..
The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip, a wheel-bearing became overheated, and
melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail,
creating white hot molten-metal droppings spewing down to the rail.
The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train, and
immediately stopped the train in compliance with the Union Pacific
Safety Rules.
The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge, with
creosote ties and trusses.
The crew tried to explain to CEO ‘Higher-Ups’, but were
instructed NOT to move the train !
They were instructed ‘The Rules Book’ prohibits
moving the train when a part is defective !
|
REMEMBER… RULES ARE RULES! |
Why parents get grey hair
The boss wondered why one of his employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee‘s home phone number and was greeted with a child‘s whisper.
‘ Hello ? ‘
‘Is your daddy home?’
‘ Yes, he’s out in the garden ,’ whispered the small voice. ‘
May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘ No .’ ;
So the boss asked, ‘Well, is your Mommy there?’
‘ Yes, she’s out in the garden too ‘
& The boss asked; ‘May I talk with her?’
Again the small voice whispered, ‘ No .’
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’
‘ Yes.’ whispered the child, ‘ A policeman. ‘
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘Well, may I speak with the policeman?’
‘ No, he’s busy. ‘ whispered the child.
‘Busy doing what?’
‘ Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. ‘
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’
‘ It’s a helicopter. ‘ answered the whispering voice.
‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly worried.
‘ The search team just landed a helicopter. ‘
‘A search team?’ said the boss. ‘What are they searching for?’
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, ‘ Me! ‘
How do you know when it is time to “hang up the car keys”?
I SAY WHEN YOUR DOG HAS THIS LOOK ON HIS FACE!
A picture is worth a thousand words!
Shagged by a rare parrot
Duck vs. Pup
Duck vs. Pup
Wonderful Video!
Hang on – It’s Friday!
From a Child
Things children will say…………
I was eating lunch today with my 14 year old grandson when his mom asked him “What is tomorrow?”
He said “It’s President’s Day”
She asked “What does that mean?” …. I was waiting for something profound…
He said “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have 2 more years of unemployment.”
The Eagle Has Been Replaced
I did not write this – only share!
*************
Look, the Obamaunk !!
The Eagle Has Been Replaced
Thought you’d get a kick out of this……….
The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of the American Presidency.
It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!
I’m Fine…..How are you?
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
There’s nothing the matter with me,
I’m just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I’m overweight and I can’t get thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn’t be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I’m all right.
My memory’s failing, my head’s in a spin.
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
Old age is golden I’ve heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don’t mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I’m therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
The Handgun……Issue
I have dear friends on both sides of the handgun issue, those who believe easy access to hand guns is not good for this country and those who believe government has no business dictating ownership one way or the other.
I have gained valuable understanding from both arguments. I have made my final decision.
Certain Americans, especially those who are more likely to become victims of crime, need to own and become proficient with handguns!
I can’t discuss it further right now. Gotta get back to the firing range . . . . .
It’s my turn to pick up the brass behind the shooting stations.
Headache
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a
few drinks, gets in the mood but true to
his wife, goes home.
When he gets home he finds her sound
asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into
her mouth.
Of course, she chokes but recovers and
asks, “What did you put in my mouth??”
He says, “Two aspirin”.
She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE”!!!
He says, “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”
Did I Read That Sign Right?
Need a laugh??
Love the teapot one, lol
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
MothersHeart 