Royal Wedding
William & Kate
April 29, 2011
Category: Life
Here are our future senators…
They’re out there and they’ll breed!! They will become our future senators, police, doctors and airline pilot‘s!! Once again our super school system at work!!!!
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)….and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans.
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on.
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections.
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope).
Q.. What happens to your body as you age.
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty.
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true).
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination ***.
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour.
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant).
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen).
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. Duh!
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control.
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work).
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section‘.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit.)
Q. What is a terminal illness.
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
ABC’s “All My Children,” “One Life to Live” Ending but Stars Go On
All My Children
and
One Life to Live
From ABC News – ending in September & January……
Read at link below……….
All My Children & One Life to Live
What am I to do with my afternoon Days!?
Stay away from my NOSE!
Nose – odd subject – but if you’ve ever had any type of nose surgery you can relate.
This may seem strange – but please just follow me here……
On the 23rd of March I had surgery on the nose – which actually started over a year ago when I had complained to a Doctor at Mayo Clinic about my unusual headaches – he did the usual EEG – MRI of my lower back which I also had told this doctor about with my back being ‘out of wack’ and needed checking (mind you he only did and MRI of the very lower back) and when I mentioned that my headaches were NOT migraine (I know what those are) it was not stress related – it was just ‘not’ a headache and that I felt an MRI of my brain )((which I have one Every Year)) and one was over due – HE Told me.. “You don’t need one – but I’ll do one if it will please you and you think you need it.”
Now forward fast to current – same hospital & Doctors location – was sent by another doctor here in town for 2nd opinion – from which this doctor I was sent to from another doctor in town who listened to me and my problems with not only my pain problems but the problem with understanding my back and my headaches……..THIS doctor is one who listened – sent me for EEG & MRI – (But not only just an MRI of the Back —- but the FULL BACK/SPINE – and included and FULL MRI of the Brain – and X-Ray of the lungs, and when the results came back – lungs fine….back/spine showed the displacement of my spine all UP & DOWN but also a tear in the lower spine ( the Lumbar / Cervical / Thurastic ) .. and then the MRI results of the BRAIN – – – said problem IN PART might be coming from a sinus infection!! —- so now do you see where this began and where it takes me?
This doctor understood – sent me to the doctor who confirmed – who in turn sent me to another doctor for a second oppinion (at Mayo Clinic) and he is the one who did this surgery!
HE did three surgeries on my nose and while my nose is still not to it’s normal state that Mom & Dad & I remember my ‘small’ nose to be … we had become so use to seeing each other every day that some things you just take for granted – like getting old ‘er’ and thngs change…but Mom & Dad had mentioned about my face to themselves….(come to understand that my face was swollen — the left side was full of infection under the cheek which is in part of the nose) ((and back a few months earlier my ‘new’ eye doctor found that I had eye infection -that is also another story)) — but all things within the face are somehow connected.
While I keep in mind that I am so improving – I must remember that this was originally scheduled for the 6th of April ( which was the day after Mom’s Birthday ’83’ ) and with the change – ON her birthday we had the Surgery 1st Follow-up .. and good results – then we were able to go on to dinner etc and enjoy the afternoon! … MOTHER has been such an angel in all this. The Nasal Irrigation which started the Saturday after the surgery Mom has done for me … and I’m so thankful & grateful for her being able to help me with this…..this is one part I just do not think that I could have done mysself…..
The surgery (as I mention) was moved up from the April 6th date to March 23 date – so the afternoon before when I had to rush things through and see the doctor he wanted to know if I knew exactly what he was going to do – I said NO – and did not want to know! — as things had been moved up (becuase before I had plently of time to read the info) … I had glanced 0ver the info …. and that was Enough …
So the Surgeries —-
1) Septoplasty 2) Turbinate Hypertrophy and Rhinitis 3) Endoscopic Sinus Surgery
If you’ve ever had NOSE surgery or know someone who has – Don’t bother their nose!
If you see something out of ‘place’ with the nose – check it!
So there you have it – why I’ve been lack in responding to your posts or posting much of anything!
- Deborah Register After Nose Surgery
While the picture above was taken yesterday you can certainly see the
improvement from the day of surgery!!! — But can you see some difference
in the face? It is NOT where I want it yet and the nose is still swollen – but
sooo much better than before – even the face appears not as swollen as the day before!
Waking up with thoughts
Have you ever been awakening from a night’s sleep to know that you ‘found’ (that Perfect Something) wll mine was the perfect candy — when you just needed that taste – not toooo sweet – not really candy taste – but candy all the same? I did this morning – and I was discovering that – that perfect just a bite of candy is butterscotch!
I’ve been having these weird dreams of things since my surgery on the 23rd of March, and could that surgery have something to do with my remembering my dreams? They say everyone dreams (which I used to do a lot) – but not everyone remembers them.
Another dream I had was one talking to two ‘chaps’ about a eatery~! They were going to do the work & cooking, I was telling them how it was to be laid out – what the menu was going to be … etc…. down to the name of the place! “Artists Nook” … Only open Breakfast & Lunch Eggs – Fruit – Breads…Fun things to eat – but in a hurry – don’t worry – we’re ready! with specific things….(Yes I told them what that was to be too)…..
SEE the place would have delightful colorful artful dishes for breakfast – eggs benedict, fresh fruit, special breads, just to name one — then on the go with fruits & salads all fresh – like greens and rasberries, oranges with slice bread! At least I have the ideas! AND of course ther Artists works in a little ‘nook’ which most certainly would house some of my hand-painted glass. And making the dishes (to be quick) in my head and unique for all that would be coming!
So see these dreams are unusualy – weird & wonderful!
(( and I might add-Very Real )).
Tsunami Dog
Tsunami Dog Saved After 3 Weeks
Rescuers flying over an island of debris rescue a dog swept out to sea by Japan’s tsunami three weeks ago.
TOKYO — A dog that survived in a house swept away to sea three weeks ago by the devastating Japan tsunami was saved on Friday by a coast guard rescue team flying over an island of debris.
Local television showed an aerial view of a brown medium-sized dog trotting around the roof of the house — the only part of it floating above water — before disappearing inside through a broken section of the roof.
The coast guard rescuers, thinking there might also be people alive inside the house, lowered one of their team onto the roof.
He tried to coax the dog out, but then went in after tearing a wider opening. He came out with the dog in his arms and they were transported back to safety by boat.
Domestic media said no people were found inside the house.
Passing along ** I wrote **
Pay Attention! Life is short….
Life is short….
I think there is a VERY PROFOUND message here!
How true is this one!!!!!
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent – without exception – forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ..
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW… it has an expiration date
*************
Inspiration
***Received this in an e-mail and found it so interesting***
*****************************************
Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.
~Swedish Proverb
*****************************************
Do U like Poetry???
If… you lke poetry – I hope that you will follow me on Blogger as I beginthe first installment of my poetry.
This one is *** Inside My Souls Vision *** [link]
ABC News – Japan Earthquake: before and after
place the curser on the right side of the picture and drag it to the left to show before and after
Slide the cursor over each photo to see the before and after.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/events/japan-quake-2011/beforeafter.htm
The Eagle Has Been Replaced
I did not write this – only share!
*************
Look, the Obamaunk !!
The Eagle Has Been Replaced
Thought you’d get a kick out of this……….
The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of the American Presidency.
It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!
July 2011 Calendar
OK. I am not taking any chances with this one!!!!!
This year, July has 5 Fridays,
5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years. This is called
money bags. So, forward this to your friends and money will arrive within 4
days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui the one who does not forward…..will be
without money. Not taking any chance! Good Luck!
I’m Fine…..How are you?
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
There’s nothing the matter with me,
I’m just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I’m overweight and I can’t get thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn’t be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I’m all right.
My memory’s failing, my head’s in a spin.
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
Old age is golden I’ve heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don’t mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I’m therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
Only 31 words
A very powerful cartoon…..please keep it going.
This should be posted in every school in the ” USA ..”
Only 31 words — Think about it!
Isn’t life strange? I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism!
86% will send this on.
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!
If Muslims can pray on Madison Avenue, why are Christians banned from praying in public and from erecting religious displays on their holy days?
What happened to our National Day of Prayer? Obama says we can’t have that; yet, Muslims are allowed to block off Madison Ave. , in N.Y.C., and pray in the middle of the street! And, it’s a monthly ritual!
Tell me, again, whose country is this? Ours or the Muslims?
I was asked to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don’t.
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having ‘In God! We Trust’ on our money and having ‘God’ in the Pledge of Allegiance.
I believe it’s time we stand up for what we believe!
Precautions ::: Mammograms and Dental XRays/ A Useful Warning
The information below I received just now in e-mail – *** IT has Been checked and it is
CORRECT! *** – it just might be your time (or your wife’s ( or girlfriend) ) to have
CORRECT! *** – it just might be your time (or your wife’s ( or girlfriend) ) to have
a Mammogram done and without asking you might not know) — and I would
rather get it out so YOU have a voice to ASK!
*******************************
Precautions re Mammograms and Dental XRays/ A Useful Warning
A wife sent me this:
On Wednesday there was a TV segment on the fastest growing cancer in women, thyroid cancer. It was a very interesting program that mentioned that the increase could possibly be related to the use of dental x-rays and mammograms. On the apron/shield the dental tech places over your upper body during dental x-rays there is a little flap that can be lifted up and wrapped around your neck. Many dentists don’t even bother to use it. Also, there is something called a “thyroid guard” for use during mammograms.
By coincidence, I had my yearly mammogram yesterday. I felt a little silly, but I asked about the guard and sure enough, the technician had one in a drawer. I asked why it wasn’t routinely used. Answer: “I don’t know. You have to ask for it.” Well, if I hadn’t seen the show, how would I have known to ask?
I hope you pass this on to your friends and family.
*******************************
The Handgun……Issue
I have dear friends on both sides of the handgun issue, those who believe easy access to hand guns is not good for this country and those who believe government has no business dictating ownership one way or the other.
I have gained valuable understanding from both arguments. I have made my final decision.
Certain Americans, especially those who are more likely to become victims of crime, need to own and become proficient with handguns!
I can’t discuss it further right now. Gotta get back to the firing range . . . . .
It’s my turn to pick up the brass behind the shooting stations.
Free hug for you today (& Everyday)
|
Click on the photo below to watch this video made in Sondrio , Italy. Thinking of you! |
(just click on the word image)
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Did this make your newspaper ??
This photo is real. Why isn’t this person with the sign
(we will shoot more police”) not being arrested?.
Take a good look at the sign he is holding!
Ok all you fighters for illegal immigrants‘ rights. Here is one of the
reasons we have a problem with it. As the ones that have to pay for the
welfare of these immigrants,depriving the natural citizens.
One of the several reasons the U . S . A . is falling apart.
“Gitter Done Arizona ” !
Enough said.
Boy-oh-Boy, this needs to travel around the U.S.A.Don’t let it die folks.
Headache
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a
few drinks, gets in the mood but true to
his wife, goes home.
When he gets home he finds her sound
asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into
her mouth.
Of course, she chokes but recovers and
asks, “What did you put in my mouth??”
He says, “Two aspirin”.
She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE”!!!
He says, “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”
Did I Read That Sign Right?
Need a laugh??
Love the teapot one, lol
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.(I’m at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Go figure…
Go figure..
This year we will experience 4 unusual dates…. 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11. Now go figure this out….take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you WILL be THIS year and IT WILL EQUAL 111!
OLD TIMER SEX
This is too funny to be dirty – enjoy!
The husband leans over and asks his wife,’Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’
‘Yes’, she says, ‘I remember it well.’
‘OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time‘s sake?’
‘Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.
So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..Finally,they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen..
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally,they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed.He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,’Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?’
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,’Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.
Nagging Wife
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, “why would you spend $5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?”
The husband replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I Just cannot take that chance!”
Bill Cosby Has Done It Again
There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo.
Please use in that order.
Please use in that order.
Bill Cosby has a great way of “distilling” things.
Looks like he’s done it again!
Looks like he’s done it again!
AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1). Any use of the phrase: ‘Press 1 for English‘ is immediately BANNED!!!. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.
(2). We will immediately go into a two–year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we’ll do no exports. We will use the ‘Wal-Mart ‘s policy,
‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ We’ll make it here and sell it here!
(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.
(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTH BOUND aliens.
(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin in, you AIN’T getting nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.
(6). Welfare. — Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40–hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.
(7). Professional Athletes — Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you’re banned from sports … for life!
(8). Crime — We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more ‘life sentences’. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the EXACT price of a barrel of oil.
(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it’s a worthy cause.
(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said EVERY day at school and every day in CONGRESS.
(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
My apology is offered if I’ve stepped on anyone’s toes …. nevertheless…..
GOD BLESS AMERICA !
Sincerely, Bill Cosby
Please forward this to everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they’re on.
When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
From the American Association Of Retired People
| Questions and Answers from AARP Forum | |
| Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? | A: Try a bookstore,
under fiction. |
| Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through Menopause? |
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy
with tools, you can finish the basement.. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live. |
| Q: Someone has told me that Menopause is mentioned in The bible. Is that true? Where can it be found? |
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass All the way to Egypt ..” |
| Q: How can you increase the Heart rate of your 60-plus Year old husband? |
A: Tell him you’re pregnant. |
| Q: How can you avoid that Terrible curse of the elderly Wrinkles? |
A: Take off your glasses. |
| Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face? | A: Go braless. It will usually
pull them out. |
| Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? | A: Valets don’t forget
where they park your car. |
| Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? | A: Storing memory is not
a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. |
| Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? | A: Yes, but usually in
the afternoon. |
| Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? | A: On their foreheads. |
| Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? | A: “Gosh, I remember these!” |
| SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? |
STOP SPAMMING!!!!!
All you SPAMMERS out there –
PLEASE LEAVE MY Site ALONE!!!
I GET SO LITTLE Traffiic I don’t need you here!
If you have nothing NI*CE to say – don’t!
I hate spammers – and would never do
it to anyone – so please leave ME alone!
I want TraFFic that is HONEST!
TODAY is my Birthday – so why not give me this GIFT!!!!!!!!
PUBLIC HOUSING
PUBLIC HOUSING:
The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.
The people that live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers. Because of this, the residents do not have the “pride of ownership” that comes with the hard work necessary. In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house. They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.
The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques. If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions. The picture below illustrates the point.
The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute
and was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the Presidency.
Mr. Obama, with all due respect, get your f#####g feet off our desk!
Do YOU use the Sign up for E-mail Alerts?
I found that usimg E-Mail alerts are helpful an for the up-to-date when I cannot be on WordPess every day.
If you do not use the subscribe (enable) to the Email Subscription – I wish you would … I find it easy… and never miss anything that comes to my
e-mail Inbox.
I might miss something when so many are posted here on WordPRESS.
I HAVE IT AND HOPE THERE ARE SOME OF YOU WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!
Also when finding the pages I list to folllew…some of you do not have it enabled….Maybe you should!
This is just my opinion….but to me worthwhile as I check my e-mail more often than coming to WP.
With so many others things going on (with me) ((and maybe you too))
I do like to keep up with you … that is why you are on my blogroll list!
and I’ve been so lack in this — keeping up with you….
With this new year… <my postings are not as often as yours> … but maybe it will get me going more often….making them readable as I should be doing!.
Hope you will consider doing this!
One I find interesting is Things we Make!
Just a condsideration and MY Opinion!
The Sound of Music
As Im sure most know of the Sound of Music – which was just here
on TV in at least my area which i watched and
always enjoy … this I’ve seen before but so totally
worth watching and enjoying again!
Deb
***************
Subject: Antwerp train station
This video was made in the Antwerp , Belgium Central (Train)
Station on March 23, 2009, with no warning to the
passengers passing through the station.
At 8:00 am a recording of Julie Andrews singing ‘Do, Re, Mi’
begins to play on the public address system.
As the bemused passengers watch in amazement, some 200 dancers
begin to appear from the crowd and station entrances.
They created this amazing stunt with just two rehearsals!
Enjoy!
Here is the LINK
(speakers on!!)
Ricotta Cheese Cookies
This much-loved cookie recipe is quick, easy, delicious, and pretty. You can’t go wrong!
Makes about 100
For the cookies:
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
1 (15 ounce) container of ricotta cheese
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 cups all-purpose flour
For the glaze:
1 cup powdered sugar
milk
sprinkles
Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix all of the cookie ingredients well until the dough sticks together into a big ball. It will be sticky. Drop by teaspoonfulls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 10 minutes or until the bottoms turn golden brown. Let cool for 1 minute and then transfer to wire racks to cool completely. In a small saucepan slowly stir milk into the powdered sugar until it creates a glaze thin enough to be spread over the cookies. Stir over low heat then spread over cooled cookies. Quickly top with sprinkles.
Note: Photo donated by the American Dairy Association. Many people write to ask if there is an error in the recipe because there are no eggs. This is an eggless recipe, no eggs are required.
Happy Holidays! … to each of you
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother
Santa wrote back:
“Send me your mother…”
Snorkeling
The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!
Queen Elizabeth
And
Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular
Reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created,
And I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.’
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in.’
Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about?
I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?’
‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush
Beats a Pair –
No Matter How Big They Are.
REALLY a MUST read Please!
Electronic Credit Card Pick Pocketing ….Got this in e-mail and interesting!!!!
Maybe worth your viewing!
The LINK………
Republican vs. Democratic Women
POOF and the light goes off
A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come
back with normal results. The doctor says, ‘Jerry, everything
looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?’
Jerry replies, ‘God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight,
so he’s fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go
to the bathroom, *poof*!, the light goes on. When I’m done,
*poof*!, the light goes off.’
‘Wow, that’s incredible,’ the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Jerry’s wife.
‘ Ginger ,’ he says, ‘Jerry is doing fine but I had to call you
because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that
he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in
the bathroom, and when he’s done, *poof*!the light goes off?’
‘OH MY GOD!’ Ginger exclaims. ‘He’s peeing in the fridge again!!!!’
WHAT’S IN A NUMBER?
There were 33 Chilean miners trapped in that mine. They were found in the 33rd week of the year. It took 33 days to drill the passage to them. They were rescued on 10/13/10, which equals 33 when added together. To a man, they credit Jesus for sustaining them. Jesus was crucified when he was how old??? 33…
No matter your beliefs…that is amazing!
SUV Birthday Present……
Two old guys talking…
One said to the other: “My 69th birthday yesterday. Wife give me a
SUV.”
Other guy: “Day-ammm! Ain’t dat’s sump’m! Imagine, a SUV! What a
great giff!”
First guy: “Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”
Especial!
Maxine poses a question………
Maxine poses a question………
Good Question!
Let me get this straight . . . .
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don’t,
Which purportedly covers at least
ten million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn’t understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn’t read it but
exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn’t pay his taxes,
for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect,
by a government which has
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese,
and financed by a country that’s broke!!!!!
‘What the hell could
possibly go wrong?’
This is just cute!
When love fades………….
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner my Love?… Chicken, beef or lamb?”
I said, “Thank you dear, I’ll have chicken.”
She replied “You’re having soup, stupid, I was talking to the dog.”
Quote of the day
Quote of the day:
‘Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.’
Her last call
Her last call was from a cell phone…..
Sometimes only a picture can get our attention!
Do you see the motorcycle?
Do you see the motorcycle?
Now do you see it?
The Honda crotch rocket rider was traveling at approximately
85 mph. The VW driver was talking on a cell phone when she
pulled out from a side street, apparently not seeing the
motorcycle. The riders reaction time was not sufficient
enough to avoid this accident.
The car had two passengers
and the bike rider was found INSIDE the car with them.
The Volkswagen actually flipped over from the force of impact
and landed 20 feet from where the collision took place.
All three involved (two in the car and the bike rider) were
killed instantly. This graphic demonstration was placed at
the Motorcycle Fair by the Police and Road Safety Department..
Pass this on to car drivers or soon to be
new drivers, or new motorcycle owners
AND ESPECIALLY EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO HAS A CELL
PHONE!!!!!
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Save a life…
Stop talking on Cell phones and Texting while trying to drive.
The life you save may be your own….. or mine…
Keep passing this on so everyone will see what can happen by using a
CELL PHONE while driving
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Artists transformed me…
I’m on a wonderful site – Deviantart –
( I can be found here As: MothersHeart )
and asked a couple of artists [that I like] what they might
come up with if they used one or two of my photos…
These are the photos they used …
This is what they made …
More of his work found at the link above………….
HE can also be found here on WordPress … as DigitalHyperGFX
More of his work found at the links above………….
Hope you will take a few moments to view them and thier works!
How to Dance in the Rain
How to Dance in the Rain
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80’s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.While taking care of his wound, I a sked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?’ ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life.’but how to dance in the rain.’He smiled as he patted my hand and said,
‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.’
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,
True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.
The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.
‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm,
Newborn Giraffe
- Image by Getty Images via Daylife
Newborn giraffe
Most babies measuring 5ft would be considered big, but newborn giraffe, Margaret, at Chester Zoo,
UK is seen as unusually small for her species.
She is one of the smallest giraffes ever born at Chester Zoo but pint-sized Margaret will soon be an animal to look
up to. Little Margaret, who is the first female Rothschild giraffe born at
the zoo, is being hand-reared by her dedicated keepers. The first
calf for six-year-old mum Fay, Margaret, who was born two weeks early,
tipped the scales at just 34 kilos and is a mere 5ft tall.
Tim Rowland’s, team leader of the Giraffes section, said: ‘Margaret is potentially one of the smallest
giraffe calves we have ever seen. Fay isn’t the largest of giraffes and Margaret was also early which might go
some way to explaining her size. ‘Margaret was having difficulty suckling
so our keeping team are now hand-rearing her’.
[Valerie Crosby] She is so cute and has such big brown eyes.
MothersHeart 