The Sago Palms
One is Male One is Female
I think you can tell the difference (this is the first double male I’ve seen)
These are from My Yard and My Mothers Yard!
Tag: General
Japanese Red
Photo and caption by Judith Holford
These Japanese Red-crowned Cranes were seen at the Akan International Crane Centre in Hokkaido, Japan. One appeared to be the gatekeeper – pronouncing on whether the other two could pass. It captured a humorous moment with members of this endangered species which has been brought back from the edge of extinction by conservation measures.
Anticipation
Remember to obey the rules……
‘Rules Are Rules’
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs , Kansas ,when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina ..
The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip, a wheel-bearing became overheated, and
melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail,
creating white hot molten-metal droppings spewing down to the rail.
The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train, and
immediately stopped the train in compliance with the Union Pacific
Safety Rules.
The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge, with
creosote ties and trusses.
The crew tried to explain to CEO ‘Higher-Ups’, but were
instructed NOT to move the train !
They were instructed ‘The Rules Book’ prohibits
moving the train when a part is defective !
|
REMEMBER… RULES ARE RULES! |
Why parents get grey hair
The boss wondered why one of his employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee‘s home phone number and was greeted with a child‘s whisper.
‘ Hello ? ‘
‘Is your daddy home?’
‘ Yes, he’s out in the garden ,’ whispered the small voice. ‘
May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘ No .’ ;
So the boss asked, ‘Well, is your Mommy there?’
‘ Yes, she’s out in the garden too ‘
& The boss asked; ‘May I talk with her?’
Again the small voice whispered, ‘ No .’
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’
‘ Yes.’ whispered the child, ‘ A policeman. ‘
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘Well, may I speak with the policeman?’
‘ No, he’s busy. ‘ whispered the child.
‘Busy doing what?’
‘ Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. ‘
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’
‘ It’s a helicopter. ‘ answered the whispering voice.
‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly worried.
‘ The search team just landed a helicopter. ‘
‘A search team?’ said the boss. ‘What are they searching for?’
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, ‘ Me! ‘
Zsa Zsa in Coma
Husband: Zsa Zsa Slipped Into a Coma
By Audrey Morrison
Wed, 18 May 2011 19:51:32 GMT
Zsa Zsa’s rep John Blanchette confirmed she was admitted because her feeding tube was causing “bleeding … like a fountain.”
Blanchette added that her husband “was worried and hoped she wasn’t dying in front of his eyes.”
Sadly, von Anhalt confirmed on Wednesday that his 94-year-old wife has been unresponsive since 2am.
This is the latest health setback for Gabor who has undergone hip replacement surgery, a leg amputation and was, most recently, hospitalized for pneumonia on May 5.
Toothpick Artist
- Toothpick Artist Scott Weaver
Scott Weaver Video on You Tube
“I love working with toothpicks and hope to do so for years to come.”
Meet Scott…
Do I really need a ‘title’ here?
The Noise…..
not the ‘kiss’…William & Kate
Royal Wedding April 29, 2011
Related Articles
Just a shot
Royal Wedding
William & Kate
April 29, 2011
MisHap!
Hang on – It’s Friday!
ABC’s “All My Children,” “One Life to Live” Ending but Stars Go On
All My Children
and
One Life to Live
From ABC News – ending in September & January……
Read at link below……….
All My Children & One Life to Live
What am I to do with my afternoon Days!?
Stay away from my NOSE!
Nose – odd subject – but if you’ve ever had any type of nose surgery you can relate.
This may seem strange – but please just follow me here……
On the 23rd of March I had surgery on the nose – which actually started over a year ago when I had complained to a Doctor at Mayo Clinic about my unusual headaches – he did the usual EEG – MRI of my lower back which I also had told this doctor about with my back being ‘out of wack’ and needed checking (mind you he only did and MRI of the very lower back) and when I mentioned that my headaches were NOT migraine (I know what those are) it was not stress related – it was just ‘not’ a headache and that I felt an MRI of my brain )((which I have one Every Year)) and one was over due – HE Told me.. “You don’t need one – but I’ll do one if it will please you and you think you need it.”
Now forward fast to current – same hospital & Doctors location – was sent by another doctor here in town for 2nd opinion – from which this doctor I was sent to from another doctor in town who listened to me and my problems with not only my pain problems but the problem with understanding my back and my headaches……..THIS doctor is one who listened – sent me for EEG & MRI – (But not only just an MRI of the Back —- but the FULL BACK/SPINE – and included and FULL MRI of the Brain – and X-Ray of the lungs, and when the results came back – lungs fine….back/spine showed the displacement of my spine all UP & DOWN but also a tear in the lower spine ( the Lumbar / Cervical / Thurastic ) .. and then the MRI results of the BRAIN – – – said problem IN PART might be coming from a sinus infection!! —- so now do you see where this began and where it takes me?
This doctor understood – sent me to the doctor who confirmed – who in turn sent me to another doctor for a second oppinion (at Mayo Clinic) and he is the one who did this surgery!
HE did three surgeries on my nose and while my nose is still not to it’s normal state that Mom & Dad & I remember my ‘small’ nose to be … we had become so use to seeing each other every day that some things you just take for granted – like getting old ‘er’ and thngs change…but Mom & Dad had mentioned about my face to themselves….(come to understand that my face was swollen — the left side was full of infection under the cheek which is in part of the nose) ((and back a few months earlier my ‘new’ eye doctor found that I had eye infection -that is also another story)) — but all things within the face are somehow connected.
While I keep in mind that I am so improving – I must remember that this was originally scheduled for the 6th of April ( which was the day after Mom’s Birthday ’83’ ) and with the change – ON her birthday we had the Surgery 1st Follow-up .. and good results – then we were able to go on to dinner etc and enjoy the afternoon! … MOTHER has been such an angel in all this. The Nasal Irrigation which started the Saturday after the surgery Mom has done for me … and I’m so thankful & grateful for her being able to help me with this…..this is one part I just do not think that I could have done mysself…..
The surgery (as I mention) was moved up from the April 6th date to March 23 date – so the afternoon before when I had to rush things through and see the doctor he wanted to know if I knew exactly what he was going to do – I said NO – and did not want to know! — as things had been moved up (becuase before I had plently of time to read the info) … I had glanced 0ver the info …. and that was Enough …
So the Surgeries —-
1) Septoplasty 2) Turbinate Hypertrophy and Rhinitis 3) Endoscopic Sinus Surgery
If you’ve ever had NOSE surgery or know someone who has – Don’t bother their nose!
If you see something out of ‘place’ with the nose – check it!
So there you have it – why I’ve been lack in responding to your posts or posting much of anything!
- Deborah Register After Nose Surgery
While the picture above was taken yesterday you can certainly see the
improvement from the day of surgery!!! — But can you see some difference
in the face? It is NOT where I want it yet and the nose is still swollen – but
sooo much better than before – even the face appears not as swollen as the day before!
Flower Garden Cake
Makes 12 • From the kitchen of Grace Fugate Spencer
3/4 cup sugar
6 egg yolks, 6 egg whites separated
3/4 cup lemon juice
grated rind of 2 lemons
2 envelopes of plain gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
3/4 cup sugar
Angel food cake
whipped cream
Directions
Make a custard of the following ingredients: sugar, egg yolks, lemon juice, and grated rind of lemons. The custard should be cooked over water until it coats a spoon. Dissolve gelatin in cold water. Add to custard the dissolved gelatin. In a bowl, beat 6 egg whites very stiff and add gradually 3/4 cup sugar. Pour the lemon custard into egg whites. Tear into bite size pieces one large angel food cake then fold into above mixture lightly with two forks. Grease 8 x 12″ baking dish with salad oil and pour mixture into dish. Place in refrigerator and leave overnight. Before serving, ice with whipped cream. (Remove from refrigerator one hour before serving)
Interesting!
After reading this, you will never look at a deck of cards in the same way.
Here is a new way to look at a deck of cards!!
Please do not delete! You will be glad you didn’t.
It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn’t been heard.
The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.
As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, ‘Why aren’t you with the rest of the platoon?’
The soldier replied, ‘I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.’
The sergeant said, ‘Looks to me like you’re going to play cards.’
The soldier said, ‘No, sir . You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,
I’ve decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.’
The sergeant asked in disbelief, ‘How will you do that?’
‘You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John .
The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives — the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God’s first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week – 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter..
Each suit has thirteen cards — there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.’
The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, ‘Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?’
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting
Prayer for the Military.
Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it’ll be worth it to read on….
Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them.
Bless them and their families
I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
Amen
When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world.
There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful.
Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.
Do not stop the wheel, please — just send this on.
When forwarding, please keep this letter clean by deleting all forwarding information from the subject line and from the top of the letter.
In God I Trust!
THANK GOD EACH DAY FOR OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN IN THE SERVICE PROTECTING US WHERE WE CAN BE SAFE.
Passing along ** I wrote **
From a Child
Things children will say…………
I was eating lunch today with my 14 year old grandson when his mom asked him “What is tomorrow?”
He said “It’s President’s Day”
She asked “What does that mean?” …. I was waiting for something profound…
He said “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have 2 more years of unemployment.”
Pay Attention! Life is short….
Life is short….
I think there is a VERY PROFOUND message here!
How true is this one!!!!!
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent – without exception – forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ..
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW… it has an expiration date
*************
ABC News – Japan Earthquake: before and after
place the curser on the right side of the picture and drag it to the left to show before and after
Slide the cursor over each photo to see the before and after.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/events/japan-quake-2011/beforeafter.htm
The price of Gas versus Printer Ink
The price of Gas versus Printer Ink
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just
illustrates how outrageous some prices are….
You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was…)
Compared with Gasoline……
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 … $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ……….$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ….. $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ……… $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 …… $33.60 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 … $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ……. . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ……$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER…
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and
the buyers don’t even know the source.
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of
the ink at……………
(you won’t believe it….but it is true……..) $5,200 a gal. (five
thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run
on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid,
Printer Ink!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the
pump…
And – If you don’t pass this along to at least one person, your
muffler will fall off!!
Okay, your muffler won’t really fall off…but, you might run out of
toilet paper.
This is the BEST LAWYER INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR
(You are invited to judge by yourself, however!).
This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina .
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!
(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART . . .
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
I’m Fine…..How are you?
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
There’s nothing the matter with me,
I’m just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I’m overweight and I can’t get thin,
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn’t be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I’m all right.
My memory’s failing, my head’s in a spin.
But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.
Old age is golden I’ve heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don’t mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I’m therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
I’M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
Only 31 words
A very powerful cartoon…..please keep it going.
This should be posted in every school in the ” USA ..”
Only 31 words — Think about it!
Isn’t life strange? I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism!
86% will send this on.
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!
If Muslims can pray on Madison Avenue, why are Christians banned from praying in public and from erecting religious displays on their holy days?
What happened to our National Day of Prayer? Obama says we can’t have that; yet, Muslims are allowed to block off Madison Ave. , in N.Y.C., and pray in the middle of the street! And, it’s a monthly ritual!
Tell me, again, whose country is this? Ours or the Muslims?
I was asked to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don’t.
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having ‘In God! We Trust’ on our money and having ‘God’ in the Pledge of Allegiance.
I believe it’s time we stand up for what we believe!
Precautions ::: Mammograms and Dental XRays/ A Useful Warning
The information below I received just now in e-mail – *** IT has Been checked and it is
CORRECT! *** – it just might be your time (or your wife’s ( or girlfriend) ) to have
CORRECT! *** – it just might be your time (or your wife’s ( or girlfriend) ) to have
a Mammogram done and without asking you might not know) — and I would
rather get it out so YOU have a voice to ASK!
*******************************
Precautions re Mammograms and Dental XRays/ A Useful Warning
A wife sent me this:
On Wednesday there was a TV segment on the fastest growing cancer in women, thyroid cancer. It was a very interesting program that mentioned that the increase could possibly be related to the use of dental x-rays and mammograms. On the apron/shield the dental tech places over your upper body during dental x-rays there is a little flap that can be lifted up and wrapped around your neck. Many dentists don’t even bother to use it. Also, there is something called a “thyroid guard” for use during mammograms.
By coincidence, I had my yearly mammogram yesterday. I felt a little silly, but I asked about the guard and sure enough, the technician had one in a drawer. I asked why it wasn’t routinely used. Answer: “I don’t know. You have to ask for it.” Well, if I hadn’t seen the show, how would I have known to ask?
I hope you pass this on to your friends and family.
*******************************
Free hug for you today (& Everyday)
|
Click on the photo below to watch this video made in Sondrio , Italy. Thinking of you! |
(just click on the word image)
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Did this make your newspaper ??
This photo is real. Why isn’t this person with the sign
(we will shoot more police”) not being arrested?.
Take a good look at the sign he is holding!
Ok all you fighters for illegal immigrants‘ rights. Here is one of the
reasons we have a problem with it. As the ones that have to pay for the
welfare of these immigrants,depriving the natural citizens.
One of the several reasons the U . S . A . is falling apart.
“Gitter Done Arizona ” !
Enough said.
Boy-oh-Boy, this needs to travel around the U.S.A.Don’t let it die folks.
Lawyer: Van der Sloot to plead temporary insanity
LIMA, Peru — Joran van der Sloot plans to plead guilty to killing a young Peruvian woman he met gambling but will argue temporary insanity in a bid to significantly shorten his sentence, his defense lawyer said Monday…read more here…
Headache
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a
few drinks, gets in the mood but true to
his wife, goes home.
When he gets home he finds her sound
asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into
her mouth.
Of course, she chokes but recovers and
asks, “What did you put in my mouth??”
He says, “Two aspirin”.
She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE”!!!
He says, “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”
Mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and
the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some
items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a
very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it
was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into
the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked
once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous
“yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under
the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want
you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are
the important things— your family, your health, your friends and your
favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they
remained , your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job,
your house and your car.
The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put
the sand into the jar first,” he continued, ” there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for
the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit
with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse
out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the
house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the
things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad! you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life
may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a
friend.”
Did I Read That Sign Right?
Need a laugh??
Love the teapot one, lol
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
WOW!! Something SOLD!
I can’t believe this!
Something with MY art on it SOLD!
I’m so excited and can hardly believe it!
Maybe some more will sell….
Billion….
Interesting food for thought! Lengthy, but worth the time to read it. Have a great weekend.
$1,000,000,000
How many zeros in a billion?
This is too true to be funny.
The next time you hear a politician use the
Word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about
Whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending YOUR
tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were Living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain…
let’s take a look at New Orleans …
It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D)
Is presently asking Congress for 250
BILLION DOLLARS To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number… What does it mean?
A. Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman, and child) You each get $516,528.
B. Or… If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans,
your home gets $1,329,787..
C. Or… If you are a family of four….Your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington, D. C HELLO!
Are all your calculators broken??
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago…..
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt….
We had the largest middle class in the world…..
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell: ‘POLITICIANS!’
And I still have to Press ’1′ For English.
I hope this goes around the U S A At least 100 times
What happened???
My Sunset
One of my Fractal Art made with Apophysis….Hope you enjoy.
Along the Way … The Cat
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.(I’m at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Go figure…
Go figure..
This year we will experience 4 unusual dates…. 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11. Now go figure this out….take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you WILL be THIS year and IT WILL EQUAL 111!
OLD TIMER SEX
This is too funny to be dirty – enjoy!
The husband leans over and asks his wife,’Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’
‘Yes’, she says, ‘I remember it well.’
‘OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time‘s sake?’
‘Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.
So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..Finally,they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen..
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally,they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed.He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,’Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?’
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,’Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.
Nagging Wife
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, “why would you spend $5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?”
The husband replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I Just cannot take that chance!”
Bill Cosby Has Done It Again
There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo.
Please use in that order.
Please use in that order.
Bill Cosby has a great way of “distilling” things.
Looks like he’s done it again!
Looks like he’s done it again!
AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1). Any use of the phrase: ‘Press 1 for English‘ is immediately BANNED!!!. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.
(2). We will immediately go into a two–year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we’ll do no exports. We will use the ‘Wal-Mart ‘s policy,
‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ We’ll make it here and sell it here!
(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.
(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTH BOUND aliens.
(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin in, you AIN’T getting nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.
(6). Welfare. — Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40–hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.
(7). Professional Athletes — Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you’re banned from sports … for life!
(8). Crime — We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more ‘life sentences’. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the EXACT price of a barrel of oil.
(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it’s a worthy cause.
(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said EVERY day at school and every day in CONGRESS.
(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
My apology is offered if I’ve stepped on anyone’s toes …. nevertheless…..
GOD BLESS AMERICA !
Sincerely, Bill Cosby
Please forward this to everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they’re on.
When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
From the American Association Of Retired People
| Questions and Answers from AARP Forum | |
| Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? | A: Try a bookstore,
under fiction. |
| Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through Menopause? |
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy
with tools, you can finish the basement.. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live. |
| Q: Someone has told me that Menopause is mentioned in The bible. Is that true? Where can it be found? |
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass All the way to Egypt ..” |
| Q: How can you increase the Heart rate of your 60-plus Year old husband? |
A: Tell him you’re pregnant. |
| Q: How can you avoid that Terrible curse of the elderly Wrinkles? |
A: Take off your glasses. |
| Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face? | A: Go braless. It will usually
pull them out. |
| Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? | A: Valets don’t forget
where they park your car. |
| Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? | A: Storing memory is not
a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. |
| Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? | A: Yes, but usually in
the afternoon. |
| Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? | A: On their foreheads. |
| Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? | A: “Gosh, I remember these!” |
| SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? |
PUBLIC HOUSING
PUBLIC HOUSING:
The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.
The people that live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers. Because of this, the residents do not have the “pride of ownership” that comes with the hard work necessary. In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house. They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.
The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques. If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions. The picture below illustrates the point.
The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute
and was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the Presidency.
Mr. Obama, with all due respect, get your f#####g feet off our desk!
Do YOU use the Sign up for E-mail Alerts?
I found that usimg E-Mail alerts are helpful an for the up-to-date when I cannot be on WordPess every day.
If you do not use the subscribe (enable) to the Email Subscription – I wish you would … I find it easy… and never miss anything that comes to my
e-mail Inbox.
I might miss something when so many are posted here on WordPRESS.
I HAVE IT AND HOPE THERE ARE SOME OF YOU WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!
Also when finding the pages I list to folllew…some of you do not have it enabled….Maybe you should!
This is just my opinion….but to me worthwhile as I check my e-mail more often than coming to WP.
With so many others things going on (with me) ((and maybe you too))
I do like to keep up with you … that is why you are on my blogroll list!
and I’ve been so lack in this — keeping up with you….
With this new year… <my postings are not as often as yours> … but maybe it will get me going more often….making them readable as I should be doing!.
Hope you will consider doing this!
One I find interesting is Things we Make!
Just a condsideration and MY Opinion!
2 DUCK HUNTERS IN WISCONSIN
Whether this is a TRUE story or not (as in according to Snopes) ! I don’t care …. the ‘story’ is funny and gives me a laugh that I received in a e-mail. As they say ….LAUGHTER is the best medicine!
*********************************************
2 DUCK HUNTERS IN WISCONSIN
ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 with monthly payments of $560.00. He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin . It’s mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go
out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on.
Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.
Our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG…? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps
coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog’s rear end; he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
Then KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with ‘I can’t believe this just happened’ looks on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make
the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay….doing fine.
And you thought all Rednecks lived in the South…….
The Sound of Music
As Im sure most know of the Sound of Music – which was just here
on TV in at least my area which i watched and
always enjoy … this I’ve seen before but so totally
worth watching and enjoying again!
Deb
***************
Subject: Antwerp train station
This video was made in the Antwerp , Belgium Central (Train)
Station on March 23, 2009, with no warning to the
passengers passing through the station.
At 8:00 am a recording of Julie Andrews singing ‘Do, Re, Mi’
begins to play on the public address system.
As the bemused passengers watch in amazement, some 200 dancers
begin to appear from the crowd and station entrances.
They created this amazing stunt with just two rehearsals!
Enjoy!
Here is the LINK
(speakers on!!)
Ricotta Cheese Cookies
This much-loved cookie recipe is quick, easy, delicious, and pretty. You can’t go wrong!
Makes about 100
For the cookies:
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
1 (15 ounce) container of ricotta cheese
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 cups all-purpose flour
For the glaze:
1 cup powdered sugar
milk
sprinkles
Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix all of the cookie ingredients well until the dough sticks together into a big ball. It will be sticky. Drop by teaspoonfulls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 10 minutes or until the bottoms turn golden brown. Let cool for 1 minute and then transfer to wire racks to cool completely. In a small saucepan slowly stir milk into the powdered sugar until it creates a glaze thin enough to be spread over the cookies. Stir over low heat then spread over cooled cookies. Quickly top with sprinkles.
Note: Photo donated by the American Dairy Association. Many people write to ask if there is an error in the recipe because there are no eggs. This is an eggless recipe, no eggs are required.
Happy Holidays! … to each of you
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother
Santa wrote back:
“Send me your mother…”
Snorkeling
The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!
Queen Elizabeth
And
Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular
Reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created,
And I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.’
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in.’
Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about?
I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?’
‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush
Beats a Pair –
No Matter How Big They Are.
REALLY a MUST read Please!
Electronic Credit Card Pick Pocketing ….Got this in e-mail and interesting!!!!
Maybe worth your viewing!
MothersHeart 